after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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