She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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