I am spending my child support on dildos
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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