I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize