My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
