Cold hands, warm shart.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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