i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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