My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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