After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
