its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is wine microwaveable?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
