we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
