I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So vagazzling was a success
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
