we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
