I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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