Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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