Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
