I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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