Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
