Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
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