dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
