please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
