Your mouth is God's brothel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
