well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
