my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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