I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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