I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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