I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
