Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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