I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
