Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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