I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
