Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
