How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
