She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
