just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
