I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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