Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
