Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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