I need help removing her.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
