He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
