We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
