im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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