3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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