plz talk dirty to me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
