yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
