i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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