Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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