mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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