sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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