Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
