He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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