They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
