Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize