He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
