we have pet lesbian snakes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
