lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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