i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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