6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
two words: eviction party
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
