yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will be naked everywhere
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
