Can i not drive my cunt home
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
