she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
